Stuck on Candyball Island
There's a tenderness in every stump,
an omnipotence of rainforest proportions,
a sweetness on the tongue of a thousand heaving
breasts.
The vaporous granite rolls like high-tide.
it wants to let you in but
Rejects All Penetration.
Rushing with fortitude,
a narcoleptic precariousness
shaves away all bright matter.
No orange, no rabbit-fucking red.
Darren,
ReplyDeleteReading both your drafts this week (this, and your workshop poem) really displays your tendency toward "the absurd." At its essence, this draft, just like "Near Misses," is otherworldly. Indeed, in both we are undoubtedly on "Candyball Island." That being said, I wonder if there ways in which you could play up this logic of "otherworldliness" for a more beguiling effect.
I am reminded, initially, of the poet Russell Edsen, whose work also employs a twisted, absurd logic in really interesting ways. Let's take a look at his poem "Ape," which you can find here: http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/Russell-Edson/2471
In this bizarre poem, we have a pretty absurd scenario taking place: "Mother" has prepared a monkey for dinner, stuffed with onions and garlic. Its head is stuffed with bread. Now, what makes this poem so truly disorienting is how oddly 'familiar' this setting actually is. "Mother" and "Father" are arguing over the dinner she has prepared-- the way the two speak to each other is strangely recognizable. Says "Father" to "Mother": ' I'm just saying that I'm damn sick of ape every night, cried Father.' On just a surface level reading, what makes this poem so unsettling is not only that we have this couple sitting down to eat a monkey for dinner, but that the reader can recognize the scene-- while the subject matter may be absurd, the tonal register is completely grounded in 'this world' if that makes sense.
Now, in regards to "Candyball Island." The draft has some really great lines ( ex. 'an omnipotence of rainforest proportions, a sweetness on the tongue of a thousand heaving breasts.') But in truth, we have no way of knowing exactly what is happening in this "place" --or if there is any place--I'd like to think that's where the draft is headed because of its title. So, I say look at a poet like Edsen and watch what he does, how he twists that sort of basic, fundamental logic. Give the reader something they can locate and maybe your 'absurd' language will be given some more power.