Mike Tyson and the Boy
Gap in teeth like brains
Before input.
Output: blood and salt,
Stitches and bruises.
Input: Bashing skulls and scuttle thrashings,
engaged, butted, skin rupture
and tearing from beady eyes and
vanquished heart, ripe for love
like a lobe for a pearl.
Who wouldn't scream with an eagle's urgency?
Beak vice-gripping, carnivorous, thirsty.
Reunited? Unrequited.
The piece lies gnarled and hard
as a sports novelty
in a trophy case
in Montgomery Inn
in Cincinnnati, Ohio.
Strangely humorous among so many gloves, ball, bats, jerseys,
never to mesh with said head again.
Not far from this showcase was a budding swimmer
fluttering up, down, up, down, a butterfly
with chlorinated eyes,
then BAM! Like Lloyd Christmas on vacation
from ever looking the same.
One, two, three counts and it's out.
A shard of loose tooth like a candy chunk,
instructor surveying,
goggles unflinching.
How did he find it?
Bobbing for apples
in a sea of chemical imbalances.
Flippers united,
in an unflappable urgency
to reunite halves of a biter in a mouth
so wanting.
Doctor jaws suggests a calcium cradle
while the boy waits to see
how many years it will take
to live his smile down.
An anticipated appointment replenishes
his shiny whites like glaciers newly bonded.
The constant change of tense in this poems is an interesting effect. However, it makes it more difficult to ground it in place and time. Could you take these same images and apply them to a specific setting? This might help give these images a context.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rachel there is so much fantastic language to work with here, but to little too many shifts. I would stick to one subject, which means some of it will have to go if you want clarity. I tried working on this with mere creative erasure, but I am not certain if it will help. I left some gaps for you to fill in, if you choose to use it for another draft. Maybe this is no good for you, but the meaning becomes clearer to me with this one subject.
ReplyDeleteThe Doctor suggests a calcium cradle
while the boy waits to see
how many years it will take
to live his smile down.
An anticipated appointment replenishes
his shiny whites like newly bonded glaciers.
_________________________________________
A Gap in his teeth, like_______ before________.
But the output is blood and salt, Stitches and bruises.All the, bashing scuttling and thrashing, engaged in _____________, butted______,
resulting only in skin rupture tearing from the beady pearl.
Who wouldn't scream with an eagle's urgency?
the vice-gripping, carnivorous _____, left him thirsty for ____________.
Only one piece lies gnarled and hard as a novelty.
In the bottom of__________and_________________
Did he find it Bobbing for apples? Or __________
in a sea of chemical imbalances _______________
Now this is a free write in action, though some narrative is starting to manifest. Great title-you get a sense of what is to come. I think the input/output section is fascinating in terms of setting up a kind of technical writing aesthetic, complicated by strange language and challenging syntax. "Gap in teeth like brains/Before input," starting your piece in the realm of the strange for sure and complicates things by leaving one unsure as to whether we are witnessing a description or a command. It almost appears that you picking up the record needle and dropping it in random places, jotting down whatever comes out. Davidson's assessment of your work as "wild" certainly holds in lines like
ReplyDelete"Doctor jaws suggests a calcium cradle
while the boy waits to see
how many years it will take
to live his smile down."
I think that to tighten up the draft, consider some radical omission, keeping the narrative you seem to be trying to tell.
"BAM! Like Lloyd Christmas on vacation" made me laugh because I could see it so well.